Monday, March 11, 2013

Chronic Diesease

I am wife to a man with a chronic disease. Robyn had Crohns Disease which I have mentioned before and I have gone into some details about before as well...

What I don't think I have ever really gone into is just how it effects our family and truly how it effects me as not only the wife but as the mother too...

Its hard not knowing when your spouse will be debilitated by pain, when your spouse will be confined to a hospital bed on IV steroids, when he will be able to eat, when he will be able to rest without fighting pain all night... but you know that all of this WILL happen. Its a matter of time before you have to watch him wince in pain as his digestive system attacks its self and makes every meal more difficult than the last.

I will never know personally how it feels to have this disease, I will never understand how he copes with it all everyday, I will never truly know the pain, but I certainly have my fair share of the worry I have my share of the pain, and most of all I have more than my share of the stress.

As wife and stay at home mother I have my role here in the house of making sure that the house is clean, the laundry is done, the meals cooked and the children and the husband cared for. Crohns throws a monkey wrench in the works of my life. When Robyn is admitted to hospital (and he has been twice in this past month) I have to split my time. I have to split time between our home and the hospital, I have to split time between him and the kids, I have to split time all the time. I have to plan even more in advance than I normally would because I need to plan what will be made for all meals, who will watch the kids, how I will get to the hospital, when I will get back. I have to plan what night am I going to stay late at the hospital so that I can get home early another night, I have to plan what he needs and what I have to bring to him, I have to plan when I am doing the laundry so that I can bring home his dirty cloths and get it cleaned and back to him. All this while taking care of me too... and lets just say that I am the last to get cared for in these situations...

I sleep less soundly when I am alone in our bed, I crave more sleep and admit to rolling over and trying to sleep in a little even knowing the kids are awake and ready to start their day. I have to find things to completely capture my attention throughout the day so I am not calling for updates every ten minutes. I have to be busy all the time to distract myself from feeling helpless in his struggle, alone in our relationship because his concentration is on his health.

Back when it was just us, me and Robyn, when we had no kids, no rings, nothing but each other I could spend every moment he needed me in the hospital next to his bed, and I did. I would go to my college classes and then straight to the hospital where I would do my assignments and homework with him and stay as late as the nurses would allow. Back when it was just us, I had no idea what to expect and foolishly thought that this was rare and that hospitalization was an occasional thing and once you were better you were better and that was it. Back when it was just us, it didn't matter if the laundry was done, it didn't matter if the supper was cooked it didn't matter that no one was at our home at any given hour...

Now though with our little family in tow, I must do all of those things. I must make sure that the family is taken care of and that things run smoothly with Robyn in the hospital. I must help the kids not to be afraid of the IV and the big hospital room, the Doctors and the patients that may share that room with Daddy. I must ensure that both the kids and I are taken care of at home to make getting "better" his only priority. No matter how long he is "better" for.

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