Changes... again

Life is ever changing.

This is just reality, we know things will change we know things will keep evolving we know that life never (or at least rarely) stays the same.

I have been away from the blog for a while but I have been very busy!

Robyn was in the hospital again last week (He was admitted early in the morning on Good Friday and was there until the Wednesday after) so much of my time was eaten up traveling back and fourth with him, and trying to keep the kids out of the Easter chocolates...

However other big changes are happening too...

I have recently started course for Event and Wedding Planning!

Its taking up a lot of my time... (not that I mind) and I am loving it! I plan on opening  my own business when I finish the course and that too will take a lot of my time.

SO I have decided to take some more time away from the blog... I am going to leave the blog up here so that anyone who wants to look around can come by and see what I have posted and so that I can come back to it when I'm ready... and I do plan to return.

You may also see another website or blog from me in the future with a bit more of a party/event planning theme to it...

With that decision in mind I am going to close the Facebook page and I am closing the blog for comments and if you are reading this and would like to comment on something I have done or if you have a question please feel free to email me or find me on Pinterest or Twitter!

marsh dot emm @ gmail dot com

I have had a lot of fun with this blog and it has gotten me through times when I just wasn't sure I could keep going... So thank you to all of the people who liked what I have made, the things I've had to say, and who have followed along with me on this supper fun journey!

Chronic Diesease

I am wife to a man with a chronic disease. Robyn had Crohns Disease which I have mentioned before and I have gone into some details about before as well...

What I don't think I have ever really gone into is just how it effects our family and truly how it effects me as not only the wife but as the mother too...

Its hard not knowing when your spouse will be debilitated by pain, when your spouse will be confined to a hospital bed on IV steroids, when he will be able to eat, when he will be able to rest without fighting pain all night... but you know that all of this WILL happen. Its a matter of time before you have to watch him wince in pain as his digestive system attacks its self and makes every meal more difficult than the last.

I will never know personally how it feels to have this disease, I will never understand how he copes with it all everyday, I will never truly know the pain, but I certainly have my fair share of the worry I have my share of the pain, and most of all I have more than my share of the stress.

As wife and stay at home mother I have my role here in the house of making sure that the house is clean, the laundry is done, the meals cooked and the children and the husband cared for. Crohns throws a monkey wrench in the works of my life. When Robyn is admitted to hospital (and he has been twice in this past month) I have to split my time. I have to split time between our home and the hospital, I have to split time between him and the kids, I have to split time all the time. I have to plan even more in advance than I normally would because I need to plan what will be made for all meals, who will watch the kids, how I will get to the hospital, when I will get back. I have to plan what night am I going to stay late at the hospital so that I can get home early another night, I have to plan what he needs and what I have to bring to him, I have to plan when I am doing the laundry so that I can bring home his dirty cloths and get it cleaned and back to him. All this while taking care of me too... and lets just say that I am the last to get cared for in these situations...

I sleep less soundly when I am alone in our bed, I crave more sleep and admit to rolling over and trying to sleep in a little even knowing the kids are awake and ready to start their day. I have to find things to completely capture my attention throughout the day so I am not calling for updates every ten minutes. I have to be busy all the time to distract myself from feeling helpless in his struggle, alone in our relationship because his concentration is on his health.

Back when it was just us, me and Robyn, when we had no kids, no rings, nothing but each other I could spend every moment he needed me in the hospital next to his bed, and I did. I would go to my college classes and then straight to the hospital where I would do my assignments and homework with him and stay as late as the nurses would allow. Back when it was just us, I had no idea what to expect and foolishly thought that this was rare and that hospitalization was an occasional thing and once you were better you were better and that was it. Back when it was just us, it didn't matter if the laundry was done, it didn't matter if the supper was cooked it didn't matter that no one was at our home at any given hour...

Now though with our little family in tow, I must do all of those things. I must make sure that the family is taken care of and that things run smoothly with Robyn in the hospital. I must help the kids not to be afraid of the IV and the big hospital room, the Doctors and the patients that may share that room with Daddy. I must ensure that both the kids and I are taken care of at home to make getting "better" his only priority. No matter how long he is "better" for.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Today is Hubby's 33rd Birthday!

I am so excited to have our little annual family celebration!

We always make a cake, blow up balloons, hang a banner and have a great little family party together! I am extra excited because this year I am giving Robyn a gift that I have wanted to give him for a while but in one way or another it wasn't possible or it was not available at the places I had looked...

This year we are giving him a "DAD" ring...

This may sound silly to some and many men who don't wear jewelry may turn their noses up but this is something that Delaney and I have searched for for quite some time...When we picked up this lovely little gift for him I suggested that we have a look around and see what one was best for her one and only Daddy!

When we went into the first store I did all the talking and I made sure that I was clear on what we were looking for, a "DAD" ring in white gold, stainless or titanium, and something in a size 10. After not finding what we were looking for in the first store we left letting the lady know that we may come back. In each store after Delaney walked up to the lady at the counter of the store and said "I am looking for a Dad ring for my Daddy's Birthday..." and then she took over...

In a way I am so glad that I waited to get this gift for him so that Delaney can have the memory of giving it to him, the memory of shopping for it and the feeling of being all grown up and getting her Daddy his Birthday gift!

I hope you have a lovely Birthday Robyn and that you enjoy the day as only you can!

Tell the Truth Thursday! School!

Delaney's has finally had her first day of kinder-start! (that's like pre-school in our area...)

I am so excited for her to FINALLY go to school. I have had a few Momma friends ask why I'm so excited, aren't I a little sad, don't I wish she were still a baby? My answer... not really.

I am a little sad that she is growing up so fast and becoming so independent so quickly but isn't the point of having children to raise them and watch them grow into happy, successful, productive members of society? Isn't part of the joy of being a parent watching your child discover the things that make them happy or sad, the things that are their strengths and their weaknesses.

She started kinderstart back in January and she loves it!

She will be starting regular (french immersion) kindergarten in the fall but for the winter leading up to their first year of school they have one session a month where they go to school with some of the kids that will be in their class and get use to the school atmosphere. (Its only for one hour one day of each month so it is a bit of a pain in the behind for us parents!)

She has already made a few friends little S is in her dance class so she already knew her, it was so lovely for them both to have a familiar face on the first day, and little A is the cutest boy you ever saw (you know besides Max) he is super shy and sticks close to his Momma but I'm sure he will adjust fine in the fall.

Delaney has been so excited for school and she really shines when she is there, sure like all kids she has to be reminded that she has to sit on her bum and that she has to listen to madame, but hey she is only 4!!!

To tell the TRUTH I am not only OK with her going to school I couldn't be happier... I was a little worried about her... she has never gone with anyone other than family by herself, she doesn't go to daycare or a babysitter she is home with me all day and with the exception of her brother and the short period when I was sitting for her friend G she hasn't had much one on one time with other kids her age. But if the last two sessions of "school" are any indication of how she will do I think we are in the clear!

Whats your school truth? Does your local school have a program like this? Give me all the details in the comments!

Tell the Truth Thursday! I'm a Whovian!

I have a confession today... I love the Doctor....

(Source)

I have a sick kind of an obsession with Doctor who! Its just something about this show and the characters that makes me happy... it lets me escape and live the excitement for a little while.

Silly I know that you can get lost in a show and love it but I do.

However I find that people who are not whovians are constantly looking at me like I'm crazy, like why would you watch a show about an alien and companions flying around in a blue box...

Well the answer to that can be summed up in a video... a short video from Craig Ferguson!

So this Thursday my TRUTH is that I am a nerdy, Si-Fi Geek who loves the Doctor!

Yep I'm a Whovian!

Are you a Whovian too? Feel free to follow my Doctor Who board on Pinterest! 

Photo Friday! Snow Day!

It's another snow day in my neck of the woods!

Hope your warm and safe at home (with power too!)

Tell the Truth Thursday! Honesty!

We have heard it our whole lives...

Honesty is the best policy!

I don't always practice this everyday but I do my best...

I have posted about telling the truth and nothing but the truth before when I posted I hate liars! so you may already just how important being honest it to me.

What you may not know is that this is one of the corner stones to my relationship with my husband... I know that many people say they are honest with their husbands but lets really think about it... do you tell your husband everything? Do you tell him when he is at his worst? Do you let him in when your upset and cranky?

So my TRUTH this Thursday is that I tell my hubby the truth all the time! If I think it he hears it! If its good, bad, happy, or lets face it just plain ugly.... he hears it!

I know that its a hard life being married to me, I mean come on I am a handful, but I feel that its better to be honest and tell him what I feel and what I think so that he has an idea of what it is that is bothering me and why. lets face it he isn't a mind reader and he needs as much help as possible.

I do my best to be nice but sometimes the truth isn't nice, I don't say things to hurt him on purpose, I don't want to hurt him but sometimes we need to hear those things too...

Maybe I tell him the truth because I need to get it out, maybe I tell the truth because I feel he needs to hear it, and maybe just maybe I tell the truth because I know its better for our relationship to tell the truth than to allow the issues as small as they may be to grow and become resentment.

(source)

What is your TRUTH this Thursday? Tell me your TRUTH in the comments, are you honest with your hubby or are you a tight lipped wife?

Photo Friday! Butterflies

You know when how it felt when you were young and you find that boy across the room looking in your direction and you think "Hey he's looking at me..." and your tummy goes all funny and you blush and feel extra pretty for the rest of the day... Butterflies right!!

Well I'm not talking about those butterflies...

OK so looking at this photo gives me butterflies that just make me want to smile and look at the world a little differently...

Happy Friday!

Tell the Truth Thurday! Changes....

Ok just the tittle of this post scares me....

And also reminds me of this

Crazy I know...


Anyway the changes that I am talking about are mostly blog changes... things have changed so much in my life in the last 2 years... (yep I'm just shy of my 2nd blogging year!) Our family has been changed from career loss, moving, adding baby #2, losing a very special family member, and lets face it just growing as a person and as a Momma...

Things have changed so much and yet I have just let the blog sit here in my corner of the blog-o-sphere and rot... well OK rot is a bit strong... I have been neglecting the blog and I keep coming back and giving lame excuses as to why I haven't been blogging and well I seem to have come to a conclusion that I need this blog, I need this space for me and that I need to change it up a bit because well I keep losing interest and if I'm not interested well how can you be interested??

So from here on out I am going to change up how this whole blog is going to work I am not going to be forcing myself to post a recipe every single Monday I am not going to be forcing a photo every Friday and if I just want to sit here and type well... I'm gonna!

I have been feeling very forced lately and while I want to post I feel that the blog is limiting me to crafts and food and well I'm more than that just like all of you. I will be working on a new "schedule" if you will over the next week or two that will include a few features, a few kids activities, a few recipes, a craft or two and maybe even a book review/post here and there too! (yes I've been reading!)

So if you will please rejoin me as I start to blog again and get back to the ideas that started this little place I call mine!

Oops another unplanned vacation...

So it seems that I have taken an unintentional blog vacation... for the last MONTH!

Holy cow I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post... but here I am back at it, well sort of...

I am so sorry that I haven't been posting but if it makes you any happier I have been writing in my journal somewhat regularly... It seems that when I am writing in my journal I have so much less time for my blog... The blog to me is about sharing my projects and getting my Momma self out there, as well as sorting out my thoughts when it comes to being a Momma. So I keep my journal to sort out my not Momma thoughts like things that happen in my everyday crazy not Momma part of my brain... things that happen with Robyn, things that happen with friends and family that I deem too private to share with... well.... the ENTIRE WORLD!

(I know the entire world isn't reading right now but once its out there you never know who is gonna log on and take a peep into my world through my bloggy windows... )

So once I feel a little down or upset I turn to my journal for comfort and to sort out how I feel... and then the blog suffers a hit because I've used all my writing abilities on my journal or I'm just too drained emotionally, physically or mentally to sit here and write out what is happening in my head that pertains to crafting or Momma-hood.

Another big drain on blog content is as I'm sure is the case with many bloggers is Christmas... between the busyness of the season (Christmas parties, parades, sing alongs, and tree lightings) and the gift making and cookie baking its just such a difficult time to blog. I don't want to spoil the surprise of the wonderful gifts I'm giving to my family and friends or the super cute items I am working on for Robyn and while I don't mind showing off what Im making for the kids, because lets face it at 1 and 4 they aren't exactly logging onto the blogosphere and checking out their gifts, but I don't want to show the whole world until they get it so its a little fun for Delaney to show off what she got from Momma and well its nice for her to brag that her Momma Made It! (it is after all how I named the blog!)

Either way I know its my own fault... I am making excuses I know that I am...

So here I go again thinking about the blog and how I have it laid out and how I want it to be and what I need to change to make it more me or more intriguing not only for those of you lovelies that are here reading whatever may happen to fall out of my head but also for me to want to keep posting and for me to have a nice little place for things to fall out of my head!

Happy Weekend Friends!
See you back here tomorrow... I hope!

The Post I Don't Want To Write...

I have been putting this post off for a while...

Truthfully I haven't been posting for a while just to avoid this post...

It's not that not writing this post makes my life any less real or any less painful.

It's not that I have to write this post, I can leave you in the dark about why I haven't been posting, and to be 100% honest with you you're not going to get the whole story, but I feel like its time to get back to the blog and time to get back to my life and this I feel is the first step to doing so.

On June 30th our family suffered a major loss.

My Father In-Law was in a major car accident and passed away.

We were shocked and stunned and rocked to the core. Myself and the kids were on a Canada Day Camping trip and expecting Robyn to come pick us up in the morning when I got the call. Of course we spent the next week with Robyn's Mom and siblings while the kids stayed at home with my Sister.

We have been at home now for almost 3 weeks which has passed so slowly, and we are trying to put our lives back together and find a way to feel normal again.

So please bear with me while I get back to a regular schedule and back to posting on a regular basis.

Missing in Action Again...

Well last week was a wash... 

I was planning on doing so much more with the Christmas crafts but I got a bit sidelined... 

so where have I been, well I've been here but gone, if that makes any sense... 

We have had another whirlwind week here, we had problems with our car while driving on the highway which prompted us to stay with my mom and step-dad for a few days as he is our car dude, and after trying everything we could possibly try to fix it short of pulling out the motor and replacing it we have let our "Beast" go. 

It's off to greener pastures or wherever cars go when they pass on... 

I'm sure it could be fixed but why put another grand or two into a car that only cost $2500 to start with... and on top of that it really did need to have more work done on it too, so really that couple grand could have been multiplied once all was said and done.

So for the last week we have been without a car and without a way to get a car just yet, and if you have a toddler and live somewhere without public transportation you know that its not easy to get done what you need to without a vehicle. Its do-able but not easy...

The one thing that surprises me is that everyone keeps saying to me is "Wow, your so calm about all this", or "How are you holding up, I'd be so upset." and yes I was upset when it happened, and I did have a full day of feeling sorry for our situation, I sat up for half the night  crying because well its a big deal when your pregnant with a toddler to have some sort of transportation in case of an emergency... but once that first day was over and I had, had my cry and gotten upset I really didn't see the point in crying and being stressed out about something like this. It is after all life, it has ups and downs, yes sometimes things work out perfectly but sometimes it surprises you and shocks you but what is crying and stressing out going to do to help? 

I saw this quote by Robert Frost on Pintrest the other day and pinned it right away because it sums up how I feel about getting upset over the little (or sometimes) big things that happen.

"In three words I can sum up what I know about Life: 

it goes on."

I hope that you have had a better week than I did but if you didn't I hope that if you had to faced a week like mine or worse... that you too can keep in mind that this is just life, it happens to us all and that while it's easy to get down and feel sorry for yourself (and sometimes we need to have a day or two of that) it will always get better, especially if you are open to it, and willing to remember that "It goes on."

Tell the Truth Thursday! Where oh where have I been???

Oh my it seems that life has taken a tumble and fallen in my lap again... 

Just when we had recovered from having Robyn in the hospital and a few other bumps in the road of life I took a little detour to the hospital myself...

Yup I was admitted to the hospital Sunday 

(which means that the posts you saw this week were scheduled last week... but that is another confession though... ) 

As a pregnant person the last thing you want is to have to go in to get checked out at Labor and Delivery early, however sometimes you have to use your mothers instinct and you just have to suck it up and go! 

I started having back and belly pain and cramping on Canada Day (Friday) and it would dull and go away and then come back again and it seemed that when I was resting I was fine, it persisted on Saturday but then on Sunday it got majorly worse to the point that I started to have contractions and at that point I got very scared and said this is it lets go to the hospital... 

I got a bag ready for Delaney and we dropped her off with my sister and headed to the hospital, by the time we got there I was having contractions every minute and a half. 

(Talk about scary!) 

Once I got there they hooked me up to all the machines gave me an IV and ran all the tests, and finally they gave me some drugs to stop the pain, which did also slow the contractions as well but never stopped them... 

They had a neonatologist resident come in and an OB-GYN resident as well. The neonatologist scared the CRAP out of us by telling us that there was a possibility that the baby could have a brain bleed and would likely need to have oxygen and breathing tubes and feeding tubes all of course in medical terms like she was being tested by her superior, but what was most reassuring was that every time she paused she said "ummm what was I going to tell you about... " or "ummm I think that's it..." (plus she was about 4 feet tall and looked like she was 12...) The OB-GYN resident was great she talked us though everything in plain English and answered all of our questions, she also seemed to really care about what was happening and seemed to understand how scared I was.

After a few hours of rest and being observed on all the monitors possible the OB-GYN resident came in and admitted me and then suggested that I take a medication that will stop the contractions so that I could have two shots of steroids that would help to mature Baby Max's lungs just in case he had to be delivered... 

As a Mommy my heart and brain made the fastest decision ever... 

"YES, YES if it will help him YES!"

However this medication is a blood pressure medication that can severely drop your blood pressure if you don't have blood pressure issues. And of course what should happen to me but my BP dropped drastically! they continued to check me out and give me the meds when my blood pressure was high enough to take them, I got my shots of steroids and was restricted to bed rest with bathroom privileges, which meant 3 feet from my bed, until everything calmed down and I was no longer having any contractions. I saw my Dr everyday for an assessment and everyday he said "lets take it day by day and see how you are". 

When I talked to my Dr about the possible complications of having to deliver early he said he has no worries about the weight or size or health of my baby and that those neonatologist need to stop scaring his patients, which I must admit put me much more at ease. But still I was sitting in a bed with no end in sight just waiting... (I had lots of visitors but I really wanted to be at home).Everyday I felt a bit better and and everyday I wanted to come home to my Delaney more and more!

So after days of bed rest and getting assessed by my OB they finally let me come home to my precious girl and handsome hubby today as long as I promised to be careful and take it easy... 

So there will likely be very few strenuous projects (like refinishing the dressers for the kiddos room), crazy bachelorette party planning posts (or many other parties for that matter), or marathon baking days (which strangely enough would likely calm me down more) happening for the next few weeks but I do have a few things up my sleeve... and most of them can be done sitting down on a comfy couch (I hope)...

I'm Back!

I feel like I've been neglecting the blog for so long... I know I have good reasons and I know that its all that can be done when life falls in your lap and says hey you thought it was all smooth sailing from here well here's a hiccup for ya!

So here are the basics of the situation my husband Robyn has Crohn's Disease which is an autoimmune disease which causes chronic inflammation in the gastrointestinal track. It can be quite painful and limits his activities and what he can eat at times. He became very sick just before I met him and was diagnosed just weeks before we started dating. In a very short time he became progressively worse and required surgery in May of 2004. He recovered quickly and has been relatively healthy since then, through watching his diet and taking better care of himself he has rarely had any pain or issues. Then a few months ago he had noticed a bit of a change and requested through our family Dr to see his specialist (whom he had no need to see for 5 years) once he finally got into see the specialist he requested a routine test to be done in his office in a week or two. 

Which just happened to be last week, Tuesday to be exact. 

On Tuesday morning he went for his test and was told that everything was fine and that he would follow up with the Dr soon and that they wanted to do another test (an upper GI)  but it could be a long wait as this is done through X-ray. Tuesday afternoon he wasn't feeling very good and I could see he was finding it hard to get comfortable. I recommended that he go lay down for a while and that it may help him feel better. Not long after he became violently ill and started vomiting he called the emergency nurses' line and they recommended that he go to the ER to get checked out. After a 9 hour stay in the ER, a set of X-rays showed that he had a small bowel obstruction. We caught it early and were very lucky as this can rupture quite suddenly and be fatal in some situations. 

So he was admitted and watched very closely for a few days as it resolved on its own, they believe that it was just caused by a flare up of his crohn's which could mean that he could be sick again anytime or it may have resolved completely and will settle on its own. 

I think that is the worst part about having this disease you never know whats happening because everyone reacts differently to the meds and to different foods and to different situations. But that is the nature of the beast when your body attacks its self on a regular basis.

We were very lucky to have 7 healthy years with little to no complications and are hoping that he will be able to have another very long stretch between this flare up and the next but since there is no cure for this disease we will deal with this for the rest of our lives.

It was very scary and hard to deal with knowing that as a wife there is nothing I can do other than bring him the things he needs, visit as frequently as I could and take good care of myself and Delaney while he was recuperating in the hospital. I admit that I broke down a time or two (maybe from the stress, maybe from the fear, maybe from the hormones.... ) and its hard not to worry knowing that there is not a thing I can do! 

He was released from the hospital early Saturday morning and returned to work Sunday claiming he was feeling well enough... I took him at his work but worried all day! 

I also had my baby shower on Sunday and was busy having fun with my girlfriends when I got a call that our car had broken down/wasn't working properly...

So now we are in the process of figuring out what is going on with our car and making sure that Robyn is doing ok. The worst part of this is that he works about an hour from home and is staying at work while we figure out the car situation, so after being without him all of last week we got him home for one night and lost him again (aka I cant keep my eyes on him to be sure he isn't over doing it or eating things that are really bad for him...) So in the middle of all of this I have not been crafting or cooking or baking or doing anything relatively creative, and since we were all in and out of the house so much over the last week or two the house work got neglected and I spent all day yesterday picking up toys, doing laundry cleaning out the fridge and on my hands and knees cleaning floors. 

I am hoping to get some crafting done over the next few days even if its just to ease my mind and give me something to do to relax... hopefully there will be something new up soon!

But in the mean time if your interested check out this link to the 

Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of Canada 

for more information.

Life....

Please excuse me if you are a regular follower and you notice that I am absent over the next few days, my darling husband has been admitted to the Hospital and I am unsure when he will be released so between being a mom and wife I may have little to no time for being a blogger. 

I hate to be away but when my family calls I must answer!

I hope to be back with you all in bloggy land in a few days and I will explain a little further just what happened then!